My Journey ~Anonymous SUBMIT YOUR TOO ON CONTACT US PAGE
Posted by Anonymous on 2nd Jul 2014
I am an alcoholic. My story begins at the age of 5. My parents divorced and my abusive Step Father came into our lives immediately. I have an older Sister who is 4 yrs. older than me. The abuse came into our home instantly from this man. My Mother was a selfish non nurturing Mother and only cared and loved this man. She put him before anything else. He was Italian with a mean temper and would take it out on my sister and I. The beatings and verbal abuse went on for 12 years. At 17 I just couldn't take it anymore. I completely went into a rage towards him and finally fought back with my fists. Needless to say it didn't go very well. He beat me, took me down 12 stairs in the house. My back hit every stair with much force. In the end he threw me in the middle of the street. The neighbors were all outside since they heard my screams for help. Thankfully one of the neighbors was a nurse and took care of me. She threaten to report him but it never happened. The next day I left home and began caring for myself. I got three jobs, rented a room and my life away from the daily abuse began. Before this major event took place I had trouble at school. It began in Junior High when I had my first experience with alcohol. I hung around the girls that my Mother didn't approve of. She was very strict with me in all matters. I began High School and the bad choices continued. In my freshman year I got pregnant and had no idea I was 5 months along. I was admitted to a hospital for the procedure. My Grandfather was a minster and came to pray over me. I was raised with a God in my life and felt I would be punished badly for what I did. After returning to school I was branded as the sick girl who had an abortion. I felt so different and I felt so alone and turned to diet pills and alcohol. This is where my story of addiction begins. I wanted to leave my town at any expense. I met my born again christian future husband at 19. Married him at 20 and was divorced at 21. The commitment to be married forever and begin a family scared me and I felt I made a huge mistake. I walked away and never looked back. My extravagant wild days in West LA/Beverly Hills & Hollywood began right away. I hung out with celebs, producers and only the people who would provide the free drugs and alcohol. During this time I always managed to keep a full time job in the beauty industry. Managing salons in Marina Del Rey & Beverly Hills. I was a functioning party girl and lived the high life. Private jets & yachts to beautiful places. Trips to Europe and the tropics. My life was exciting and I couldn't get enough. While partying in Vegas higher than a kite my best friend asked me to marry him. So I did. I never felt love inside my heart and when I was asked to marry I always said yes! I divorced him within 3 months since he was another abusive man and complete drug addict. Life continued with my partying and I was hired to become an event coordinator on the yachts in Marina Del Rey. I worked for 5 yrs planning the most amazing parties and of course I partied myself. The dreadful day came when my Father, who was my best friend, was diagnosed with cancer. This is where my story becomes very dark. I stood by my Father every day and became his caretaker for the last 3 months of his life. Hospice wasn't worried about my Father dying since this was his fate, they worried for me. On April 25, 1998 my Father died in my arms. He was 55 and I was 30. The next journey of what I call the "dark hole" began. I wanted to just die and I tried each and every day. My alcohol and cocaine habit was out of control. My dealer had to cut me off since he didn't want to feel responsible for my death. Can you believe that one? A dealer with a conscience! Thankfully he did and I turned my life around shortly after. I applied for a position in Real Estate. I worked my way up in the company quickly and became one of the top Property Manager responsible for a million square feet of property. During my employment I was dating a retired cop. I thought this is my chance to stop the partying. Even though my habit was not often. A year later he asked me to marry him and of course I said yes once again! After three months of marriage I caught him cheating and left him immediately. I continued working vigorously and met a man who lived in San Francisco. We began a beautiful long distance love affair and I shortly moved up North. I thought this is my true chance of living a sober life. The whole geographic thing made sense to me. After a year he proposed and I said yes. Now I'm going on my 4th marriage! We got married and relocated to NY for his work. By this time I didn't drink that often and the craving for drugs vanished, so I thought! I began to have the strong urge to have children and this is where the next chapter begins. I was placed on benzos for my high anxiety and took the medication as prescribed. I had difficulty getting pregnant so we looked into fertility treatments to help us along. After another failed pregnancy I began IVF treatments. Unsuccessful the first round and then second time I became pregnant with triplets!!! Shortly thereafter we relocated back to California. I wanted to live in LA and finally convinced my husband to move to Calabasas. Our children were born after an extremely difficult pregnancy on March 10, 2005 our children were born. I was still on my anxiety medications and went through postpartum. My urge for the party life soon returned. When my children were 1 1/2 I began my drinking boughts and drugs every 3 months or so. I felt like I had control of my disease. Hiding behind everything I could. My family finally had to plan an intervention for me and I was checked in for detox. I left there early after the medical detox and did not continue on with the 30 day rehab. I felt I was ok and could do it on my own. It only took 4 months and once again I was drinking. I never did any mind altering substance but I drank a little. This scared me enough to tell my husband I needed intense help since I didn't want to hurt him or our children that I loved so much. I entered a facility for 60 days and then on to sober living for 3 months. I got out and realized if I returned home I would continue the same habits. I asked my husband for a legal separation and this is what happened. After fighting for custody and spending $5,000.00 to my attorney I was granted minimal custody. Even though I could be with them it still destroyed me inside. After I had 6 months of sobriety I convinced myself I could do "controlled drinking". After two "God Shot" experiences I realized that I couldn't drink like a normie. On September 14, 2008 my new sober life began. My first year of sobriety I did it for my children and everyday after I've done it for myself. Life isn't always easy. I have experienced death in sobriety along with complete financial despair. I suffered a broken heart with unbelievable betrayal. I again felt alone but what got me through it was my faith in my higher power, the rooms of AA, working honestly with my sponsor and the fellowship of love and true friendship. Today I happily co-parent with my children's Father and our kids have never seen me take a drug or a drink. I have met my true soul-mate in the rooms of AA and together we raise my children in a complete sober household. One day at a time I will remain sober as long as I'm doing the deal! Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I hope by me sharing my experience it will help someone. Today I am a grateful alcoholic and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams!