I’ll never forget it.
I was in San Francisco. I had flown all the way from Philadelphia. When I landed, I felt sicker than I ever had before/
At this point, the withdrawals would kick in pretty quickly. By the time the 7 hours of traveling were over, I could hardly get to a bathroom in time before I got sick. It was terrible. I felt so defeated by my addiction. I didn’t think I would ever find my way out of that cycle.
Luckily, I found my way to a treatment center.
I was fortunate enough to find a facility right outside of Philadelphia, where I was from. In my treatment center, there was a sign on the wall that said…
“If your way was so good, than what are you doing here?”
I’ll never forget that stupid sign. I had been through so much. I had gone straight to the bottom and I was finally willing to climb my way back up. I was willing to do whatever I needed to do to get sober and to find the life that I was searching for.
It’s been more than 8 years since that day.
Since then, I have started Stodzy internet marketing, which is my own company. I have been able to make a living doing search engine optimization and I have so grateful that I can do what I love as a career. I get to come to work every day and I love every second of it. How lucky am I to be able to do work I love for a living?
I’ve even been able to start my own sober clothing line. I get to meet and talk to awesome people who are doing amazing things in the world.
I have been able to travel and see the world.
Since I’ve gotten sober I’ve been able to do anything I want. I’ve visited family in Philadelphia and Scotland. I’ve travelled to Cali and New Orleans and drove up and down the east coast.
I’ve met my dream girl and I am happy to say that I have recently gotten engaged.
I have been able to do so much that I didn’t think I ever could. I have been able to achieve things and learn things and earn experiences that I didn’t think I deserved. There is no way I would be able to live this life if I hadn’t made the decision to get sober.
Looking back at it, I see now that it was really just fear that held me back this whole time. I was afraid of finding out who I was without drugs and alcohol. I never felt good about being me and I knew that if I gave up the drugs I would have to face myself.
That really scared me.
I think that scares people more than anything else. Knowing that we will all have to be responsible for our own actions and come face to face with their own emotions and in charge of our feelings.
I didn’t know how to live like that. But over time I learned.
Over time I learned how to manage anger and regret. Over time I learned how to feel happiness without taking it too far. I learned how to laugh and dance and work and make money and serve other people, all without drugs or booze.
It’s so much better this way. My life is incredible.
It’s not perfect. I have bad days. But I am free.