This isn’t all about you
Posted by Jennifer Stuart - SOBERINSIX on 4th Oct 2016
This isn’t all about you
By J. Stewart
As an addict, you’re not only hurting yourself.
I know you’ve heard it a million times before, but it’s true – you’re killing those who love you. & I don’t mean to sound as if I’m lecturing anyone still in addiction – but it’s as simple as that.
Those around you; will suffer. Your mother, sister, work colleague, partner, even your boss. It’s not a matter of if; it’s a matter of when. Because, it WILL affect absolutely EVERYTHING that surrounds you. Everyone who you know - everybody that you love. And it will affect their lives in more ways than you will ever know.
It’s a domino effect, and while you are still using – you are 100 % incapable of understanding the true concept of the heart break you are actually causing.
It will affect your mothers’ health, your sisters’ health, your partners’ mental state.
Your sisters’ personal life, your sisters’ boyfriends’ life, your partners’ friends lives. it never stops.
Because everyone’s pain is felt by someone else, somehow. The pain you generate for your family and friends is only more pain generated for their family and friends and so on and so on. It causes immense strain on other relationships. And no, I’m not talking about your relationship with anyone. I’m talking about your family and friends relationships.
And it doesn’t stop when your addiction stops; I’ll tell you that much!
I’m speaking from personal experience right now when I say, even after the addiction has been dealt with and you feel as if you are moving forward... your family, close friends, perhaps even work colleagues; (if you’re lucky enough to still have your job!) will take a while to come around, in a sense. The trust that has to be rebuilt is enormous, and I get that - that’s only fair right, trust has to be earned. So I get the concept there, but even I at times have felt feelings of anger towards certain people in my life who I feel sometimes I have to ‘try too hard’ to prove myself.
It doesn’t take me long to snap out of that kind of mentality though – as I don’t have anything to prove to anyone; other than myself. But having said that, I still have to be very aware of my responses or my actions at this stage because I understand where my loved ones are at – they are not used to ......not being let down, in a sense I guess. So I have compassion for that. It’s not all about me, how I feel or how I felt- it’s also about how they feel now because of how they felt in the past. I guess its finding that clever balance when experiencing ‘normal’ human emotions ;
Accept your feelings - express them civically .
Even when you’re like 100% sober.
It’s like; you kind of have to have to your shit together, all the time.
You can’t react in snappy ways; you defiantly cannot not answer your phone for the whole day without being expected to explain yourself! But it’s ok, I know its draining, from a recoveries’ perspective. Like, you’re flat out trying to keep yourself busy with things you enjoy, keeping up with general life, organizing for future life etc. and you got this little challenge on the side: keep calm, despite ANYTHING.
And no, it’s not easy, but don’t lose your shit. Don’t act in ways you know are going to end badly, leading you to feel as if you might relapse.
I’ve been down that road before ~ So I don’t venture down there anymore, I know how that turns out.
I’d rather chill; that’s working for me.
Try and understand how the other person is feeling.
be aware of how your behavior in the past is a massive part of any initial negative reaction you get from anyone close to you but try to understand it from their point of view – even if your right & you feel as f everything is based on assumptions on their end – try & have some compassion FOR THEM.
With good decisions and positive thinking, as long as I feel as if the situations I put myself in are for the better of me; I can’t let anyone down in the long run.
~ Namaste ~